Trompe l'oeil

In art there is a term called trompe l'oeil. It's a fancy French word

literally meaning to "deceive the eye," and its an awesome technique
that artists use to create optical illusions. It is achieved by painting the
object to be intensely realistic and three-dimensional in a two-dimensional
format, which is usually flatter looking. What its ultimate goal is to trick
the viewer into seeing the thing as not just part of the painting, but
part of reality, something real and tangible.

For example, an artist might paint a ceiling to look like clouds
or a plaster wall could be made to look like elegant arches.
What is cool about trompe l'oeil is that the way the artist succeeds
in executing the technique depends on his mastery of
PERSPECTIVE,
but the way a view sees it is by losing perspective.

My wise advice, cuz I know you're all waiting for it,
is that we allow ourselves to lose perspective all the time,
especially when it comes to things we expect or want to see.
Our expectations fuel our interactions,
and sometimes we are surprised when the results are different
than what we expected. One of the biggest pieces of wisdom
I have is that we shouldn't let ourselves believe that we deserve
anything from anyone- don't take advantage of the fact that people
are there because they care.

And really there is a lot that we could learn from the idea of
trompe l'oeil. It is starting to make my head hurt.


All in all, I just wanted to say that this last weekend was
a treat. I had an amazing friend from Utah up to visit, my
favorite Mr. Friend by my side, and awesome words that
filled me up with hope and gave me some new perspective.

A change of perspective is sometimes a great thing to experience.

It was one of my favorite weekends in a long, long time.

The Wedding Day

I woke up thinking again today.
I hate waking up thinking. Sometimes it gets me really down.
I think about everything in my life and how it fits together
and where I am headed; it is scary and very frustrating.
I like organization. I like knowing I am doing the right thing.
And when I doubt myself, it is the worst feeling in the world.

Is it bad to think that the time I knew myself the most was
right after my divorce? I was so empowered. I felt so completely
free. I just knew that I would be okay. I knew that my Father
loved me and somehow I could hope again for the future and
that my life would be filled with happiness again.

I was so naive and immature stepping into marriage.
I truly felt I could fool myself into happiness.
All you needed was a glorious beginning. The age old saying
that "your wedding day will be the best day of your life" is
silly, silly, silly! Not to mention incredibly sad. That your relationship's
culminating experience is found on your wedding day is very
absurd notion.

Marriages make me sad now.
It seem that there is so much hype and not enough focus on the future.
Not enough planning for when things aren't always glorious.


After my marriage ceremony was finished and afterglow of everything
faded away, I was left in his hands. There was nothing between us
now that I could hide behind. I was simply his. And it scared me.
I was numb. I was sick. Crap. What was a suppose to do now?
My complete focus for months had been this day and I had done nothing
but ignore the future and my apprehensive feelings.
Now it stared blatantly at me, ready to shake me into reality.
What a brutal beating.

If and when and hopefully, when marriage wants to grace my door
again, I am going to do it so differently. Keep it small. Focus on what
really matters: your life together.
I don't want it to be the best day of my life.
I simply want it to be just a day. That's it.
I want each day afterward to be the focus of our energies.

The day you sacrifice your needs and wants to help your spouse.
The day you survive going through the budget together.
The day everything goes wrong and you can still look at each other
and know somehow it will work. And later you will laugh.
The day we decide to forget about how our parents did things and
do them our own way.
The day you know you can love each other despite the shortcomings
and weird habits that annoy the crap out of you.
I want to be able to say that I look forward to the spending every day
with him. And even when we fight, which is inevitable, it will still be
a good day because you still know you love each other.
I want the small things of each day to make that day the BEST day.
The wedding day should be the least best day of your life, because your love will
grow as you understand each other better. Maybe it would be okay to look
back on it as the day it started if you want...

Starting something as hard as marriage with lots of fanfare sets really high
expectations in my opinion. Personally, I want a huge party after five years.

And that day that I wake up not questioning or doubting, because
I see him by me, that day will be the best of days.

Quote This.

Try to make at least three people smile everyday.

Realize that life is school and you are here to learn. Problems
are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away
like algebra class, but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

Life isn't fair, but it is good.
Life is too short to waste time hating someone.

Don't take yourself too seriously. No one else does.

Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.

What other people think of you is none of your business."Simplicity is pure sophistication."

Transitory

Fall feels like a transitory state.

You can feel change in the air; like the earth is
holding its breath until winter decides to come.

Change is a funny thing. It is good. It is bad. And
yes, it hurts.
I look back on this summer as one that I will never forget.
I started out married, lying about who I was, and very miserable.
I had to face some hard facts about myself and my mistakes.
I had to cry a lot, pray a lot, and grow a lot of strength.
I had to readjust my convictions.

I don't recommend what I went through.
But my life is so good now. It isn't simple. Never easy.
But extremely good.
I find myself divorced and completely happy and ready
for this transitory state.

I feel good about who I am. I am becoming daily the
person I want to become. My Heavenly Father
believes in me.

Today is good.
I just want to smile and enjoy the sunshine.
Take in life and it's wonderment.
Love it.
Someone gave me a big bottle of confidence
and I am still just enjoying the side effects.

And I am going to keep soaking it up.