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Truth: I really want to be needed.

I like knowing that someone wants to be with me and wants to

know how my day went. I want to make some one's life better

and have them in return help me fulfill my dreams. I want

someone to fill my thoughts with through the day and feel

anxious to get back home to. Or at least someone that I can call

anytime and just talk to and they are okay with coming to see me with a hug.

I feel guilty for how much I rely on those around me. I feel bad for calling old

friends with my tears when they are in such good and happy places

in their lives. I don't want to be "Debbie Downer." I want to be the

fun girl I once was to them, full of life and laughter. I feel bad for asking the same

questions again and again and hoping to hear reassuring words.

I hate being so dependent.

I hate holding the phone wanting to hear someone on the other end, but

too scared to call because I called them two days ago extremely desperate

for someone to talk to. They have lives. And I whine too much.

But sometimes it is just really hard to smile when I go home to

an empty apartment in a town where I don't know anyone but my roommate.

I make myself dinner (most times too much, I'm use to cooking for more than one) and

give myself a pity-party. I cry at any sad moment I see on TV.

Sometimes I find myself crying just because I cry too much.

I'm sorry that I'm not there for my friends. I am sorry

that I'm jealous of their happy moments with their loved ones.

I know my life has purpose but sometimes I

forget. Sometimes it feels that I'm the only one that's in this deep

chasm. I feel discouraged. I know that I'm too focused on myself.

I clean to distract myself, but when I go to bed I just lay there wondering

how my life turned out this way. And I cry.

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I'm sorry I cry.

I know everything passes. Eventually.