Sometimes I Try and Think Deeply

I hate feeling self-pity. It is a disgusting monster that sucks the life out of a person.Life isn’t the easiest right now and I hate complaining about it because I know it is due to my own folly. I happen to be in a transition period, trying to adjust to a new label that has been placed upon me. I don’t want to be defined by my past, but ultimately this is the path I’ve chosen and the consequences I have to live with. Contrary to what I'd like to believe, problems are not imposed upon me by life-circumstances that happen at random. They occur as a combination of situations that grow out of a series of choices. And usually at the end, I can see how wrong my thinking was and how naively I entered into hurtful circumstances. How I wish for a time machine to go back and correct my life.

The bottom line is that we all learn through experiences. It doesn’t matter how hard they were and how painful the learning process, it is the only way we would have truly known. So while I chaff under the judgments of others, I am grateful for the knowledge I’ve gained, the pain I experience, and the help of true friends and a loving family.

There is a powerful quote by Hugh Nibley that I love:

“If every choice I make expresses a preference; if the world I build up is the world I really love and want, then with ever choice I am judging myself, proclaiming all the day long to God, angels and my fellowmen where my real values lie, where my treasure is, the things to which I give supreme importance.”

How easily we get stuck on the petty problems in our lives and shut out all the wonderful things of which we are capable of. How easily we convince ourselves to take the path of lesser pain that ultimately leads to a sinkhole. Life is what we make out of it. We have been blessed beyond capacity for deeper intelligence, thought, and enlargement.

How excited does this make you?

Our search for knowledge should be ceaseless for we never know enough. So while life is tough right now, I’m going to accept the problems and the heartache on my journey.

Sometimes I just need to remind myself it's worth it.