Proposal Story

Wow! Didn't mean to leave you guys waiting that long.

I love it when Mr. Man brings me flowers. For some really odd
reason I think it is so cute to see him standing there, grinning, hold
this bouquet of reds, yellows, and oranges. (Like a good boyfriend he
knows that my artistic preferences lean towards the warm colors.)
He looks so adorable. I can't stand it.

Mr. Man is really good about giving me flowers on a regular basis.
:) I sure like him.

If you haven't read about the first date you need to.
It was simple and precisely what I needed at the time.
Our proposal story mirrors this. And I love it. Even though
I knew it was coming and he says I made it slightly difficult for him,
it is cute. And us.


He came to my door with his happy bouquet of orange roses, yellow
carnations, and red something-or-anothers. Then we went and had
dinner at some fancy steak restaurant. He likes steak. He asked me if
I wanted to go for a walk. We strolled along talking and laughing.
I knew where we were headed. :) (I even brought my camera.)

I don't remember much, but Mr. Man happens to be a nerd. He
had this prepared little speech about the number 349. Things that
happened in the year 1349, and facts about the number 349.
And all matter of factly, as we walk onto the pier where we had
our first date, he says its been 349 blessed days since we'd been here
before. And he asks me. I get so excited that I make him get up and hug me.
There might have been some kissing.

Then realizing I don't have the ring, and I push him down again to put the
ring on. :)

We have to do things right of course.

On our first date, sitting on that pier, it was so easy to talk to him as
we drank our hot cocoa and watched the sunset. I was thinking
I kind of liked this guy.


I was right.

Like My Ring?

Remember almost a year ago I had this date that I just thoroughly
enjoyed. I enjoyed it so much that I was smiling the next day when
I woke up, which never happens. (Not a morning person.)

Little less than a year later,
I am pleased to announce that Kendra Sue will be marrying
Mr. Man at the soonest possible convenience. The very man
who made her toes wiggle from the very first date.

And I L.O.V.E. him!!!

It seems like I've know him forever and I can't picture not ever
having him in my life.

It was little over a year ago that I left my
ex-husband heartbroken and thinking that it didn't matter if I every got
married again. I would be so very happy being alone. Forever.
I was bitter towards men. Bitter for the hurt that I'd had to experience.
Bitter for having hopes, dreams, wishes, thoughts smashed and destroyed by
someone that I thought loved me. Bitter for becoming a tool not a wife.
Bitter for all the promises of blissful marriage that I'd been promised that
I'd never had a glimpse of.
I was a mess. I cried all the time. And my heart was sick.

But my Heavenly Father knows me so well. I can't imagine that he could
have sent anyone better into my life. The first week moving in I met a boy
at Family Home Evening and we started talking. It seemed like I couldn't
stop talking around him. All my secrets, fears, and dirty laundry kept
coming out of my mouth and I couldn't stop it. I waved the awfullest things
I could think of about myself in front of his face and encouraged him to run away.
He didn't. I seriously think that he must be an angel because somehow
he was able to piece me all back together. Somehow Heavenly Father knew that
he could help me make sense of the messes and help me find hope in the future.
He is the most patience, caring individual there is.

And somehow he wants to marry me!
And he thinks he is getting a deal!

I know I should be worried that I haven't found a flaw yet, but
honestly I've strung this guy through the wringer. He is wonderful. He is
kind. He listens. He doesn't judge. He loves unconditionally. He makes
me smile daily. He looks at me in the most perfect way that makes me feel
like I am worth something special. He is a hoot to be around.

Wow. I'm a lucky girl.

Proposal story to come. :)

Silence

Two years ago to this date I was getting married.

....

I keep waiting to be emotional about it but I am so... happy.
It feels like it was 10 years ago. I feel like I know things that
I shouldn't know till I'm 30 or something. I feel different but stronger.

I attribute a lot of that to someone who has made my life
crazy awesome and surprises me daily with his insight and thoughtfulness.

But I've had to think about my marriage a lot lately. Something that
gets me down and makes me extremely emotional.
Honestly, the thing I wish I had the skills
to accurately describe is the silence.
I feel like I should capitalize that. It feels like a proper noun.
I want to emphasize how prominent and alive it was in our marriage.
I'd almost say it yelled.

I think the loudest silences are those that are
filled with everything that has been said
--said wrong, said thousands of times.

It happens when fighting becomes the condition rather than the
exception and the only option is a silent retreat to mutual corners.

Silence so permeable that it chokes and suffocates if one breathes
too much. And you have no idea what words could unwind everything
because words become so small and weak compared to the vast
power of silence.

The okay times (or the times that we were talking) become delicate
and I'd think about what I was going to say 4x before saying it.
The smallest slip could make everything crash down. I didn't
know when I was going to tread on a landmine.

And don't try to get away from the Silence. Getting to some
place hoping to find jumper cables--it is a foolish idea that doesn't work.

I go crazy in silences.
Some hurts I wonder if you will ever get over. And time helps, it helps
a ton, but still hurt hurts and will always be hurt.

If I hadn't know it, I wouldn't know how good right now is.

I wouldn't know how good it is to talk to someone and not even
make sense but they get you. They understand you in a way that no one
else has ever tried to understand you before. And... it is the best thing
ever and I know that it will never stop because of how right it feels.

So, yes, I remember and thinking about it isn't pleasant, but I feel
safe in knowing that I'm two years better than I was before.
And I've got years and years of talking with a man that I love;
and for sure silences are going to be a lot different.

Wise Words

{us in Times Square on the big screen}

And now marriage advice from two people who aren't married
but think they know a lot because we are young,
but not necessarily naive:

My Mister:
"The trick to a successful marriage is not realizing what a pain
the other person is."

Me:
well... I actually didn't say anything profound, but
I laughed really hard when he said this and
I wrote about marriage here. (it was sort of more about the
wedding day, although impertinent to marriage. I'm counting it.)

I did a Napoleon

I live in Idaho. Idaho is cool. The movie Napoleon Dynamite took place in
Idaho; so it's cool, right? (I'm a little ashamed to admit that I've watched that
movie more times than I can count.) Remember the part where Kip runs over
the tupperware when he is trying to sell it. I love it for some reason.

I dropped one of my rubbermaids last night while unloading my trunk and
couldn't find it. I figured I'd get it in the morning when I could see it.
I forgot. It didn't make it.
Although I'm impressed there isn't more damage from being run over.
I recommend the brand. Found at any local Wal-mart.
(They should pay me.)

I am probably the only one that thinks this is slightly humorous.

The man and I went out to my sister's place over the weekend. She is the
first of my siblings to return back to our roots. I think we are all slightly envious.
There are goats, chickens, a pony, a pit bull, and a
few cows all running around getting along quite well. I just took a few pictures
of my niece that is so stinkin' cute its ridiculous.

Indulge me please.



She's pretty much in love with him, too.
It honestly can't be helped.









She is kind of a little rascal. Extremely hard to take pictures of because
she moves around so much. Zip, zoom. I am loving my new lens though.
If you didn't know, my new toy is the Canon 24-105mm and there is love all
around with this baby. My mister says that all I said in New York was:
"My feet hurt."
and...
"I love this lens!"

Hey sis, I'll be getting you the pictures somehow. Soon.

A Found Note

I have a whole room at my parent's dedicated to the remnants

of my divorce. I have enough nice plates to feed an army.
I have towels. I have blankets; I have one that has the Idaho Falls
Temple beautifully embroidery on it--a heirloom I suppose. I have
a scrapbook that I painstakingly put together telling myself over
and over that I wasn't wasting my time, things would
get better. When a good friend asked me what I wanted for a wedding
gift, I told him a vacuum. He got my favorite color. It sits collecting dust.
I have the cute little-ice-cream-cone-shaped bowls with matching spoons,
missing one because he dropped it, shattering it into a million pieces.
I have picture frames still filled with us, waiting for me to find them and
change their stories. I have enough food storage for two for a year.

I have far too much for being single. Just sitting there in great piles
that get tipped over and scattered as I occasionally dig to find things.

It reminds me of him.
I remember who gave us what on that day. Everything was so exciting because
it held so much promise. Items to fill a new home. Items to help a new family get
started. It is a guilty treasure trove because
none of it was meant for someone who would a year later be throwing in the
towel. But I hold onto it because it is what is left for me to start new someday.

Today, I found a note from my boyfriend about a simple thing like loving
my laugh. It made me smile and feel good about keeping stuff.
It's what got me thinking about the important things to keep around.
I have someone really great. Someone so entirely special that sometimes
I am taken back that he loves me. (I check to make sure all the time.)

And someday I hope, knock on wood, that he will be the one helping me
unpack.

The Note:

Reasons Kendra is More Amazing than She Gives Herself Credit For
#4 Your Laugh
I absolutely love it when you laugh. It's such a bright and cheery laugh. Your eyes squint a little and your tongue hits the back of your teeth and I can't help smiling when you do it. It's great. Plus, when you laugh, you smile, and wow! What a gorgeous smile it is. I won't get into that though, because I think it deserves its own list item later on.

I sure like him.

I Got An Apple

Instead of flowers, I got an apple.

You like?It is cuz I am a teacher and my day was hard
yesterday. I had to get really mad. And when I get
mad, I feel really bad. So Mr. Friend (he needs a new
name) got me a ginormous apple. Cute right?
(He didn't want to use the flower-train too much.)
I've a crazy two days.

First of all, we went to the midnight showing of Harry
Potter and I have to say that it was well done. The director
really stayed true to the book in expressing the loneliness and
frustration of Harry trying to find the Horcruxes. It was a dark
movie, but all the funny parts made it great. My favorite was when
Harry and Hermione have an awkward dance in the middle of
their tent. It is awkward teenage stuff.
However, there is this scene between the two of them
after Ron comes back that is really disappointing. I don't know
why they had to put such graphic nudity into a children film. I
don't recommend it as a family film.

I really do like Emma Watson's new haircut though.
She has been know for her locks while doing the Harry Potter
series as Hermione has frizzy hair in the books.
But, oh if I were brave enough (and had delicate features.)
Got home at 3:30 and went to bed, woke up at 6:30 and went
to school. Drank a coke and made it through the day.

Came home, crashed till 6:30. Woke up wanting to take a shower
but slicked my hair back and went on a date with Mr. Friend and
Setherloo. It is his first date since his mission! Yay!
We went ate a ginormous amount of calories (bad for my diet)
at Bambino's and then went lazor-tagging. Which gets you nice
and sweating. And it brings out my competitive side, poor Mr. Friend.

So, here I am.
On my lovely Saturday with nothing to do!!!!!
Hallelujah! It is Thanksgiving Break and snowing!
And I got to go on a winter walk with Mr. Friend.
Which is where all the pictures are from.
I finally got to take some. It has been a long while.
Enjoy!