The Cursed "What If"

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I can't shake the feeling that I haven't been brave enough.
I haven't been able to get out of my bones the feeling of
wanting to be free and unrestrained.
I've always wanted to drop everything, move somewhere,
and start over-- scrap by in a foreign country.
Be less focused on money and more on meeting
people and experiencing new things.
I want to learn a new language.
Live in a loft and be within walking distance of
someplace special.
Draw/write/create poetic things because I'm inspired.
I want to wear scarfs everyday and have people tell
me I look artistic. Always have a camera on hand and
be counted on to capture the good, solid moments.
I want to know people who know how to laugh more
than worry. People who know what to order. Who eat
food properly and don't worry about calories.
And do things because they feel like doing them.
I want to focus on enjoyment.
I want to laugh hysterically every single day.
I want to go in debt exploring.

I'm WAY too practical though.
I worry about making things meet and staying
away from owing others anything.
I make things squared away in my finances, my job,
my love life- I won't leave on a whim because I
think too much about not being able to come
back to it all. And really life is okay.

The cursed "what if."