Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The War

Since my return: The war has begun.

The battlefield: my basement apartment.

The weapons: shoes, tissues, toilet, any accessible heavy object,
and those sticky things you get at Wal-mart.

The opponent: ugly, huge, crawling, icky spiders.

I have no idea what kind they are. They are huge. They are ugly.
They are fast. They are everywhere. They are loathed. They are hated.

I avoid my apartment because they dominate.
Mr. Dude Friend tells me this isn't true, but I know that they
crawl into my mouth at night and I swallow them. I am afraid to sleep.
As anyone else ever heard that?

I am deathly afraid of spiders. Along with snakes and mice, but
mostly just spiders. I always made mom get them when I was at home.
Seriously, I would yell and yell until she came and then I'd just point.

But I don't have anyone this time.
I have to woman up.

So, this is how it plays out about three times a week:
I see a spider.
I jump and bit my lip to hold a scream.
I go in panic mode and run away a little bit.
I grab a paper towel and hold my breath.
I prepare myself to jab.
I prepare myself mentally to jab.
Okay, I talk myself through it. I make my hand move.
I move so dang slow I wonder what it wrong with the little freak,
does he want to die?
I jab and yelp. I prance around like an idiot.
And run to the toilet and throw the thing in.
Then proceed to flush three times.
They could make their way back up somehow, serious.

I can't wait until winter. They can all roll over and die.

P.S. I posted the cutest pictures of my niece over at my new
photography blog. Oh, I didn't mention that I am into photography.
It's my new interest.
Here's a peek:

Hailey (20)


Laura Wynn said...

dawww, such a sweet picture! and girl, AMEN on the spiders. Once, because I had nothing else and I was cornered in the bathroom by a spider (geez, pathetic) I just took the spider out with hairspray. Worked like a charm!

Baby Sister said...

I HATE SPIDERS. And I am the SAME way with the toilet. And I don't allow myself to use said toilet for an extended period of time after the flushing...just in case.

That picture? Is totally awesome and adorable!! Love it. :)

Anna said...

I just want to say...That I loved how you used "woman up" instead of "man up." You're my hero. My boss, Dr. Pemberton, would be so proud of you...haha